Lump-sum update...Again

All right. Time for me to blabber.

22/9/2010:

It was mooncake festival. But I still had classes T.T And for that reason, I couldn't go to the Titanic Exhibition with my CTG friends. But, oh well, I met up with them after class (well, after 3 hours of "lepak-ing" in the city to be exact. Bought 5 blouses from Supre!), and had Peking duck dinner with them. We had at least 12 mooncakes of different flavours -- there's apple, mango, laici, chocolate, green tea, strawberry, etc. Didn't do any thing wild or particularly fun but we hung out at the park beside the Yarra River and "appreciate" the moon (赏月) after the dinner and went back around 11pm. We were talking about our dreams and interest and stuff. It's really a relaxing and happy way to spend the mooncake festival's day.

23/9/2010:

Went to the Royal Melbourne Show with my CTG friends. Rode on a super scary ride in the theme park section. I don't even understand why I agreed to go the ride =.= I don't even have the guts to ride on roller coaster and yet I went for one of the scariest rides in the carnival. Genius. Period.

This is the ride that I went on. No, idiot. Not the ferris wheel. It's the one that looks like a claw. The ride it's called Hard Rock. And it couldn't be more suitable. The claw didn't only give us a 360-degree-rotation, the whole thing swung almost a whole 360 degree, too! Man, I screamed like I was gonna die and I even cried. TT.TT I swore to never ride on anything like that again. EVER.

And then, miraculously, I ate lunch, even though I still felt sick and dizzy after the ride. Anyway, we went for the animal section and played with the bunnies, dogs, cats, etc. I fell in love with a Samoyed!!! There were tons of them in the carnival but I fell in love with a particular one. It was so friendly and cute to us (licking us, giving us its hand/paw, taking pictures with us, etc). I really wanna just grab him/her and run away!!

We watched a local band's performance around 7 (it's called Royal Parade. I HIGHLY recommend this band! Their songs are awesome. They have a myspace and Facebook fan page so check them out!), and then we rode on the ferris wheel (exactly at 7.30pm) to watch the fireworks but didn't get to because for some reason there weren't any fireworks that time. However, the fireworks show started just when we were leaving. T.T But we still got to see some of the fireworks on the train while waiting for it to depart.

I went home around 9pm while the others had dinner at the city. I was so darn tired that I just wanted to skip classes the next day. Fortunately, I didn't give in to the little devil's voice in my head. XD

25/9/2010:

Went to Hollywood karaoke bar at 1pm. Sang for 5 hours before we left for tea. Hung out at Easy Cafe -- drinking bubble tea, talking about our love (and sex) experience (for some odd reason). Man, I think I'm the only virgin among them. LOL!

And then, it's dinner time. We had japanese cuisine and I tried Yukke for the first time. It's so addictive! Love it!

After that, I had another first -- had a drink with my girl friends at a bar (called Cho Gao). We talked about so many things when we were playing Truth or Dare (without the Dare). We left at around 12 midnight.


This is the interior of the bar/lounge. It's an Ancient-China-modern mix of style. Pretty cozy in there, too. You can literally fall asleep on the comfy cushioned chairs.

26/9/2010:

Had "Pan Mee" at my cousin's house. It was really an excuse to go to his house. The main reason was to see my newborn nephew. He was only approximately 2-week-old. He was so small and delicate and fragile-looking that I didn't have the guts to hold him. LOL! And he looked just like his older brother when he was around his age.

27/9/2010:

Went shopping at DFO with my sis for my CTG's PPP (Post Production Party) outfit. Shopped for a whole 5-hour and the result was >>> got 2 RipCurl bags, a present for my friend's birthday (which I entirely forgot until I bumped into a friend who reminded me of that), and 4 new blouses. BUT no PPP outfit.

And I'm still looking for it when PPP is this Friday. I'm so screwed.

That's the end of my lengthy post. See ya ^^

Love at first sight

Right, so as the title suggests, this post is about my "love first at sight".

I was chatting with my high school buddies on Plurk when my girl friend mentioned she had experienced a love at first sight last year. (LOL if you are reading this, I guess you should know that I'm talking about you, girl XD)

Well, that sort of reminded me of MY love at first sight. I've only experienced this unfathomable, unreasonable feeling once. When I was in college. There was this guy that went to the same college as me, but in a different course. I was in SAM and he was in Cambridge A Level. So how did I know him? On the bus.

So after a semester break (erm... I think that's what you call it), I went to college by bus as usual, and being super sleepy as usual, too. (I had to wake up at 5am to catch the bus!! zzzz) As I was about to doze off on the bus, this guy appeared at the door of the bus. I have to admit. He's not super handsome or anything along the lines. He's just like any other average guy walking down the streets. Wasn't tall, average build...But there's just something about him that attracted my attention.

After he came, I never slept on the bus again. LOL~ 'cause I seriously couldn't stop staring at him! And I even tried to take a picture of him when he wasn't looking!! Yes, I was about to become a stalker. No wait. I DID become a stalker, 'cause I think I got one blurrish photo of him while he was on the bus. Hahaha...

I remembered I read an article somewhere on the internet and it said that the object of your love at first sight doesn't have to be handsome/pretty. He/she can be super average but when you see him/her, your heart will skip a beat, you couldn't stop looking at him/her, and you'll want to know him/her more. That's exactly my case here.

I had wanted to talk to him but in the end, all I got to know was which course he was in, and I didn't find that out from him. I don't even know his name still!!! Oh well...there's nothing I can do about it now. I haven't seen him since I graduated from that college.

But I do hope to see him again in the future.

Haha...Just wanted to post something random ^^

How Google Chrome was born

Source: http://www.oneweb20.it/12/09/2008/google-sfida-microsoft-con-chrome/

LOL I just find this cute ^^

Empty

I really hate myself for feeling like this. Seriously. I just can't get it off me.

I've never had this kinda feeling before I came to Melbourne, though. Not really.

I don't really know how to put it into words. I'm not happy. Not sad or angry, just...not happy. But the problem is really that I don't even know what I'm not happy about. How am I suppose to fix this when I don't even know the source of my unhappiness???

I can be with tons of friends, fooling around, enjoying some girl time, laughing out loud...but I'll just suddenly stop smiling or I'll just smile on the outside. It's like I couldn't bring myself to open up completely to my new friends. I guess this is what they called feeling alone in a crowd.

And I kinda start feeling this distance between me and my old buddies. Which sucks. Big time.

That might be a contibuting factor to my uneasiness. But I don't really think that's THE reason. I guess what I'm saying is...I'm feeling this emptiness in me. It's like a part of me is missing. And I don't know what it is.

I wanted to stop thinking nonsensical stuff when I should be focusing on my studies, which I REALLY should and need to, since I shamelessly failed a unit last semester.

If there really is a God up there, please answer my prayers.

Bizarre dreams~

Okay, so a couple of days ago, I had this super weird dream. I dozed off on my bed when I was studying for a test. When I woke up, I didn't remember immediately what I dreamt. I didn't even remember I had dream!

But then, everything started coming back to me when I was having a shower in the morning. I could only remember a scene from the dream, but that was enough to blow me away.

I was kissing. Someone who I have absolutely NO IDEA who the hell he is. And on top of that, I could actually FEEL the kiss!!! I remember how it felt like when our lips touched!!

Why am I so shocked, you may ask. Well, frankly...I'VE NEVER KISSED BEFORE! So how the hell could the kiss be so real if I've never experienced a kiss before??

The first reaction I had when I remembered the feeling was...YUCK! It's just...EWWWW~ Maybe it's because he's someone I don't know. But...seriously...HUH?? What the hell was that?

I looked for the so-called "dream dictionary" online, and it said that dreaming of a kiss with a stranger represents I need to accept some yet-to-be-known aspects of myself, or something like that. LOL~ Like it makes any sense at all. =.=

Now that I mentioned this, I remember having a weird dream, an even more bizarre dream than this one, during high school. In that dream, I lived in the Ancient China. I was a noble or a concubine or some rich young lady. I was standing in a small pavilion on top of a waterfall with another girl. We were arguing about something and then, without warning, she stabbed me in the back with a knife. I can still remember how it felt like. I can still remember the feel of a cold blade stabbed into my back.

And after I was stabbed, I remembered I was trying to save myself by running away from her. And the first thing I could think of was to jump off the pavilion and into the water down below. The waterfall was so huge, and the pavilion was so high up on the waterfall, I couldn't even see the bottom. But still I jumped without hesitation. I still remember the feeling of endless falling. And that was when I woke up. I was so scared because I thought I was still in the dream. I even checked my back to see if there's really a knife there. But then I finally realised I was in reality again, but my heart was still thumping hard against my chest.

I laughed to myself for being fooled by a dream. Well, a nightmare to be exact. I still have goosebumps whenever I think about it. What's more surprising is that I can remember the dream's every detail even till this day. Perhaps it was too terrifying.

These are the only dreams that I could actually FEEL something. I usually couldn't even remember my dreams after I wake up.

Artwork update ^^

Title: Saitou Hajime (shaded)

This one was completed quite some time ago. I haven't finish the "Four Princes of Hell", though. I still have a little bit of shading left.

Oh, in case it looks like some alien thing to you, the mark on his face is actually, well, blood. I know. It doesn't look like blood ><

Title: Chronic Misery

Yes, I like emo stuff. Gothic, sad, sorrow, etc. Can't help it. XD I didn't really intend to draw this nicely at first, though. I was only doodling out of boredom, sketching roughly. But then, it sort of turned out to be rather nice so I traced the sketch with pen and added some shading.

Title: ...Do I even need to tell you? LOL!

This is Aizen (in case my rendition of him is really poor to the point of him being unrecognisable). The super badass from Bleach. And my all-time favourite villain. XD He's really evil, and if I'm a guy, I would dislike him. But, I'M A GIRL. And let's be honest, what girl wouldn't drool over his evil-badass-sexiness??? LOL

My jaw dropped literally when I saw his transformation from a geeky-looking nice guy, to a SUPER HOT villain. He's handsome in a way completely different from the bishounen in shoujos. He's handsome in a kind of...MANLY way. His combed hair (with a lock of his hair dangling handsomely on his forehead), his evil smirk, his intense eyes, his clothes...everything of him shouts SEXY! XD

Okay, enough with the fangirl blabber. ^^

(P.S.: I just couldn't get enough of him!! I think I'm in love. Definitely. XD)

Gloomy Friday

Today was immensely painful for me to live through the day. I guess I've been totally alone too long since my friends went back to Malaysia. Being alone means freedom, and it's nice. But sometimes, it's just plain scary. I'm scared of myself, sometimes, when I'm alone. Today was that kind of a day. Weird, bizarre thoughts just kept flowing into my mind, what-ifs and what not. Those thoughts ALWAYS evolve around love and romance and finding The One.

I started thinking about my first boyfriend (?), or perhaps the only one I would ever have in my loveless life. I started thinking about how I'm the only one among my friends who hasn't found someone worth loving and staying with. My first boyfriend doesn't really count as my boyfriend at all, if I think about it. We've never kissed or even been on a date (thank God for that, though. Not worth wasting my first kiss on a jerk). Yes, I've never kissed someone before, and I'm already 20 this year. But that's not the point. The main point is that I've never really fell in love with anyone! Crushes, yes, but they never get to last more than 3 months. Sometimes I found myself forcing myself to fall in love with someone, just to be in love and feel the love. Pitiful, really.

I know I'm still not mature and not capable of loving someone's inside and not outside. Well, I wanted a perfect man with both loveable inside and outside (duh! all girls want that kinda man). But I know perfectly well he's not EVER going to appear before me. Because he doesn't even EXIST. Even if he does exist, he would be absolutely out of his mind to like me at all, let alone falling in love with me. I'm not pretty. Not gonna say I'm ugly, because that would've been too demotivating for my fragile self-esteem. But I'll admit I'm not pretty in anyway. Or cute, for that matter.

Let's see...Flat, big nose; acne-prone skin; small, unattractive eyes; fat, round face; no cheekbones; short stature; no boobs; not skinny; no curves to my body at all; tomboyish and not elegant at all; doesn't like to be protected because that would make me feel useless and helpless...Now, who would ever want to date a girl like me? All men look at a woman's body first, then her face, THEN her personality. Personality always come in last. It's sort of like a bonus to a hot body and a beautiful face. I understand where they're coming from, though. It's not like I'll set my eyes on someone utterly unappealing, outrageously average, like me. I am, and will always be, the "oh-I'm-bored-let's-date-her-and-kill-some-time" girl. That's what happened to my first so-called love.

I can't help but be jealous and envy of those who love someone and have that someone love them back. Me? I'm shallow and picky with guys, and guys just aren't attracted to me. Yep. My future is bright.

But, to tell the truth, I think I might have lost faith in guys. As if I don't trust them anymore. I can be friends with them, not a problem at all. But lovers? I don't know. Maybe, just maybe (not too sure myself), that this distrust has a tiny-bit to do with my first love. I mean, I thought I was loved, but in the end, he was just toying with me to kill time. That really hurt, when he's the first one that ever make me feel the butterflies in my stomach, make me feel embarassed to even look at him when we first talked, make me flushed like a tomato, and make my heart thumping so loudly whenever I was with him. It hurt. But I didn't cry even once, because I know he's not worth it.

And perhaps it's this kind of perception of mine that made me so repulsive against Twilight. I mean, Edward and Bella loves each other to death. But that never happens in real life. Most mangas use that kind of romance, too, but some of them have other elements (actions, mysteries, adventures, etc) that can make me disregard that kind of ridiculous romance plot. Funny, though. Because the novels I'm working on all have this kind of unrealistic love. Perhaps deep inside, I want to believe it exists.

I hate this me. Thinks too much of unnecessary things. I want to go back to my usual I-could-careless-about-everything-including-love self. Keep dwelling on my imperfections and my miserable love life is gonna hit my self-esteem with a fatal blow. I'm already unconfident enough, I don't need to hate myself, now.

New drawings~

Title: Saitou Hajime (Shinsengumi)

I've just finished a late Edo period anime called "Hakuouki: Shinsengumi Kitan". Saitou Hajime is one of my favourites in the anime. He's my No.3, though. My No.1 favourite would be Okita Souji, and No.2 is Kazama Chikage. But why do I chose him to draw instead of the other two? It's largely due to his hair. He is the only one with long hair among the three. With his long hair, it would look so much more dramatic when he swings his katana, like what he's doing in the drawing. XDD I know. It's a ridiculous reason. LOL

No matter how much I wanna deny it, I suck at drawing action scenes. ><

Title: Four Crown Princes of Hell

They don't exactly look like devils, do they? LOL Well, the title is only an excuse for me to draw some bishounens, really. XDD

Read about them on some random Satanism websites. My favourite (I hope I'm not being offensive here) would be Lucifer, because he's the devil that appears the most times in the manga/anime world. Please keep in mind I'm not saying that (in real life) I like the Satan or something. No. There's nothing religion-related in that statement.

Anyway, the one sitting on the armchair is Satan; and then from left to right, Belial (b-lee-YAH-ahl), Leviathan (le-vai-athan) and Lucifer. The most difficult part to draw is the CHAIR!!! I was using a picture of a 19th century throne-like royal ornate armchair as the model, and the carvings on the chair are absolutely stunning!! And annoying at the same time XD This is my first try on furnitures. Let's just hope I have the will to draw another one again....LOL

These two are only the line arts. I'll be adding shadings soon. Don't intend to colour them, though. I want them to be in black-and-white.

Usque ad mortem

My bleeding heart,
belonged only to you,
and you alone,
my Prince...

I had known,
that I belonged to you,
and you to me,
the moment you let me see
into the mirror of your gentleness.

My love for you,
gave me the courage to follow you,
to Heaven and Hell;
My love for you,
gave me the power to Perish
in your hands.

You, who had loved me,
who were willing to put me
into my eternal crimson sleep,
and entrapped me in your lovely glass bed;
This time,
will you love me enough
to sleep in my crimson bed in place of me,
and set me free,
and let me escape my eternal darkness?

My bleeding heart,
belongs only to you,
and you alone,
my sleeping Prince.

Till death do us part...

This poem is inspired by a short OVA series by Aniplex, called Le Portrait de Petit Cossette, aka コゼットの肖像 (Kozetto no Shouzou).

It has a very fresh, interesting (and creepy/twisted) plot. Basically, a beautiful girl fell in love with an artist in the 18th century and ironically, she was killed by him, and her spirit is trapped in a glass. The glass, after 3 centuries, is now kept in an antique store, where a college boy works as a part-timer. The boy is the only one who can see the girl trapped in the glass and he eventually fell in love with her. Twisted as it is, the boy is actually the reincarnation of the artist who murdered the girl. And to make it even more twisted, the only way for the girl to escape from the glass is to have a man who would love her enough to atone for the sins the artist had committed upon her (in short, murdering her). The boy, of course, is willing to do so for her. I haven't watched the last episode yet, so I'm not sure if he did sacrificed himself for her freedom in the end.

After reading the summary, I guess you (anyone who is reading this) would be able to (more or less) make out the meaning of the poem. I've also added some elements from Kaori Yuki's mangas and JJ Lin's song --- the Killa. So, 1) No, the "glass bed" in the poem is not the glass the girl is trapped in; 2) No, the artist back in 18th century did not love the girl (I think XD).

The title of this post is the title of this poem --- Usque ad mortem. "Till death..." in Latin, literally. Figuratively, it means "Till death do us part". I used Latin because Latin is often used as the language of the dead in stories and stuff, and it sounded cool?? LOL

I had fun writing this one, because it depicted such a twisted love (I mean, the girl still loves the artist, but also hates him enough to want to bring his reincarnation to death; and the "prince" in the poem had loved the girl enough to bring her to her "eternal sleep" and encased her in her "glass bed"). Nyahahaha~ I am so twisted XD

Death...

Death,
has the eyes of the deepest darkness,
the hair of the silkiest silver,
the skin of the whitest snow,
in a dress of the most somber black;

But it shan't be fear'd,
or be an object of hatred,
For Death, is never the Evil;
It is a Beauty, a gift
from the Lord...

What is Heaven,
when there isn't Hell;
What is Life,
when there isn't Death?

This is a poem I wrote quite some time ago, for a drawing of a Gothic girl. I posted it on this blog before, but for the sake of this post, I'll post it again. So here it is~

Basically, the girl represents Death. The first stanza is the description of the girl in this drawing.

It's not some super great poem like the ones written by Edgar Allan Poe. I'm no where near his level, and I'll never be. But it's my first attempt to write a poem since the last time I wrote for a high school assignment.

Hope it doesn't sound too cheesy XD

Twisted~

An idea descended upon me last night when I was lying on my bed, eyes half closing and was about to fall asleep. It suddenly came to me in a flash.

I have this superb urge to start a story based on this idea. But when I think about it, I still have 4 novels on hand, unfinished!! (><)

Okay, now you might be thinking "Stop the blabbering. So what the hell was on your mind?!!!"

Well, it's simple --- the victim falls in love with the perpetrator. To be more specific, what if a girl is to be stalked by a disturbed man, haunting her in every imaginable creepy way, but in the end, she falls in love with the man who loves her more than anything else, the man who is none other than the stalker himself??

I've always have a thing for forbidden love or twisted love. The more twisted it is, the better. Something like the relationship between the Phantom and Christine in the Phantom of the Opera film (the relationship is a little different in the novel); or something like "you fall in love with a beautiful, perfect Prince Charming, and even though he's twisted/bitter/psycho and you're afraid of him, you still couldn't help but love him". Perhaps such fetish is a reflection of the part of me (unbeknownst to others) that is so very much in love with Gothic arts --- architecture, arts, novels, poems, songs, fashion, etc.

Gerard Butler as the Phantom; Emmy Rossum as Christine Daae

I couldn't recall any stalker-related stories that ends with the stalked victim falling in love with the stalker. Well, not that I know. I'll admit that I don't really read much.

That night, when the idea came to me, I was happy but at the same time, frustrated. I'm not a good writer and I always have the habit to not finish what I've started. But new ideas just wouldn't stop coming to me!! Every now and then I'll get this new idea, and when I was about to start doing something about it, I often found myself losing the desire to complete it. I really want to finish an idea for once!! I've decided to at least finish my favourite work out of the 4 novels that I'm working on --- Blood Moon. I really like the story.

The other three novels...well, I wanted to finish them, too, but I know I couldn't. I wouldn't have the time. I know I'm being too greedy to work on so many stories all at once. I've been thinking of abandoning one of the two Chinese stories in the four because the more I think about it, the more I'm dissatisfied with the plot and the characters development.

The other Chinese story, though, I really love the plot, too, just that I NEVER read story books in Chinese, so I don't have many words in my vocab vault (and I've already forgotten most of the Chinese vocabs I learned during high school). Therefore, I'm thinking of converting it into a manga, since 1) I've always wanted to start my own manga; 2) the story fits for a manga; 3) I've designed the characters and their weapons and clothes and all that, so...why not?

Anyhow, that's all for this post. I really just wanted to tell somebody about this crazy, sick, twisted idea of a romance. (Well, who in the right mind would fall in love with a psychotic man who's been stalking you?) Ciao~

Lump-sum update

Oookayyy~ I haven't been posting much nowadays. I'm just not that kind of person that would update blogs regularly. すみません～

I'm having exams starting this Thursday so I won't be drawing/blogging/writing for awhile. TT.TT

Anyways, I'm gonna post up my recent work. So, have a look and tell me what you think ^^

I haven't been designing clothes in such a long time!! Well, I haven't been designing normal-daily-life clothes to be exact. The characters I drew were always wearing fantastical clothing. Not so much as fashion designing. In the fashion world, those fantastical clothing I drew are considered costumy. And I don't want that. I have to think like a fashion designer while I'm designing, not floating off to my manga fantasy. Well, I can still add some fastastical elements in my designing as my personal touch. After all, you have to be different and unique to stand out in the fashion industry. =]

By the way, these clothes are based off 17th century's men and women's fashion.

Right, so after all my blabbering, here's the coloured version. I love how the military jackets turned out!! The navy sleeveless jacket is based on 17th century military men's jacket, while the red jacket is based on 17th century women's riding habit (as some of you may know, the riding habit is also based on men's military/everyday clothing at that time).

And the creamy-blue lace dress, well...I wanted it to be 17th-centurish but I thought it looks like some Roman goddess dress 0.o And the girl has golden blond hair, which makes it even more so~ Her shoes, however, I like it XD It's also based on 17th/18th century women's shoes. Back then, women loved their shoes to be decorated with jewelries, flowery patterns, etc (IMO). Sometimes their shoes looked more like some treasure from a hidden treasure chest instead of walking shoes! To put it simply, they chose fashion over comfort, as are the girls in 21th century. (Looking at their shoes, I wonder how they even managed to walk!)

In this picture, I added some flowery effects on it with photoshop. I don't know why but as days gone by, I like to stuff up my drawings with lots of small details/effects/etc more and more! And I like to draw my characters in a kind of gothic way. I guess I am pretty much influenced by CLAMP (small details) and Yuki Kaori (gothic drawing style).

Understood what I mean now? LOL The characters just somehow emits the gothic aura. And realise how I've never drawn those typical shoujo cutesy/crybaby/innocent girls before? One of the reason is, of course, Yuki Kaori (her girls always have this "cool" feeling about them), the other reason is that I seriously hate that kind of girls. Too whimpy and useless. I cannot take people like that even in real life. So I'm very much put off by people like that. TOO dependent and clingy. Always waiting for their prince/knight in shining armor to save them. Too much of a damsel in distress. (No offense. If I'm being to rude/harsh, I'm really sorry. It's just who I am.)

I coloured the drawing with colour pencils. I'm not good with digital colouring AND water colour, so...Hehe~

This picture is just my random sketches. Well, not entirely random. I'm planning on starting a new novel/manga/haven't-decided-yet so I drew some characters. But the thing is, I don't know which one to choose as the main character!! So if any of you are reading this, can you help me choose a guy and a girl from the selections? I would really appreciate it if you let me know about your opinion.

Anyway, my personal favourite guy is the guy with slightly combed short hair (the first guy on the right, without the ponytail). And although I like the girl with long curly hair in the center, I actually wanted to have my female lead a strong/mature, soft but sort of kick ass appearance. Like the one on the left with wavy shoulder-length hair. LOL I'm too specific, ain't I? Well, it's because I wanted to set my characters in university-age (I don't wanna do another teenage storyline ><).

So, that's about it. See ya guys after my finals! *Peace*

I don't know anymore...

It's not the first time I felt this way --- being left out of everyone's life, aren't able to get close to new friends, nobody just give a damn about me. I might have read too much into things, I admit doing that sometimes, but this feeling has been inside me for a long time and I'm about to reach my limit. People would think that not telling details or moments about their lives to others is fine, but I'm the kind of person that likes to be part of someone's life. I want to have friends that would share their experience with me --- sadness, happiness or the secret crush they have on someone. I understand people want to keep some things private (I understand that perfectly well). But I'm always the last to know things, even about my family and friends. It makes me feel like I don't belong in their lives. And to make things worse, I get the feeling that my old friends are drifting away from me. I know I'm about to lose some of them already. I can see the signs. I hated myself for being so clingy to my friends because in the end, I'm the one who's gonna be left alone.

And what I'm doing now with my future doesn't make me feel any better. I thought I could continue in fulfilling my parents expectation of me becoming an accountant without any hesitation. But recently, I'm not so sure anymore. I hate accounting more and more everyday. In fact, I don't like studying at all. I'm not saying it as in an elemantary school kid saying she doesn't want to go to school because she doesn't like mathematics or whatever; I'm saying this because I know I'm not of bookworm-quality. I don't like having to do things that I don't like and I have to be good at it and force myself to like it. Everyday, I would dream of dropping out of my course now and go to a fashion design or art school, where I can fulfill MY dreams. This desire become harder to suppress day after day. But when ever I tell the people around me about it, they'll unanimously tell me "Don't think too much. Just stick to whatever that's safe. Fashion design is not useful at all." IT'S MY LIFE!! SO WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I TAKE CONTROL OVER IT???

I hate being kept in a cage! Yes, I know there's a possibility that I won't survive in the fashion industry, with so many talented designers out there; but if I don't even try to go for my dreams, I'll regret about it my whole life!

At this exact moment, I really just want to pack up and leave everything behind, and start over. I always tell my friends that I really want to try backpacking around Europe. They may think I was only saying that because I like Europe or that I like to travel; NO. I'm being serious. I wanna get away from everything. I wanna be free from confinement and be a nomad, and hopefully find my place. I'm sick of being a nobody to everyone.

Life after leaving behind my dear friends...

After arriving in Melbourne, I had to help my sister to move things to her new place, which is only a few blocks away from the old place. My parents and I were staying at the new place for the last week while my sister and her fiance stayed at the old place until last saturday.

We went to china town on the first day of Chinese New Year. This would be the second time I celebrated CNY in Melbourne, away from my friends. There were more than six shops having lion dances in front of their shop. Everyone stopped to watch and take pictures, and actually caused traffic jams! The people flooded the entire china town and the streets near it until trams had to stop halfway because some people (mostly people from China) crossed the streets without bothering about the vehicles AT ALL! And the firecrackers...Man! We had to shout to each other when we talked. Imagine all the shops with chinese owners burned firecrackers at the same time. I could hear them 3 blocks away! After all the amazement and hassle, the streets were full of residues from the firecrackers...small strips of red paper and the smell of sulphur filled up the streets. But...even though I missed my friends and disappointed for not being able to hang out with them, it made it all worth while. It wasn't a bad CNY for me.

We went to a temple around our place afterwards. GODSSS!! I was practically scratching out my hair when I saw the temple/joss house. It was a 300-year-old mansion!!!!!!! And it was a beautiful mansion to top it off. It looked like the mansion in Walt Disney's Haunted Mansion, with the high iron gate and fences, tainted glass windows, spiral staircase and fireplaces. It was built exactly in 1800. Gah! What a waste! They even used the fireplace to burn those chinese papers (I don't know what the hell they are called. Chinese normally burned those papers in temples after putting on the josses and red candles).

And then, on 21 Feb, I went on a trip with my family and my sister's fiance to an 1870s mansion. It was absolutely beautiful! The only setback was it wasn't big enough (for me, that is) and I wasn't able stay in the mansion for a night...T.T I heard the land used to be 13,000 acres! But it was being cut down to over 1000 acres. Took lots of pictures of the building and the decorations, especially the carvings, windows and chandeliers. The chandeliers were gorgeous and the carvings in the whole mansion are pure gold! Jesus...

On 22 Feb, that was the first day of the orientation. The programs were boring but I met really interesting friends! That made my day...I met a postgraduate student from China, 2 first year students from China (too), an American girl who plays the flute (OMG! I absolutely admire her! I've always admire people who can play the flute. It gives out a really beautiful and elegant melody. If I have the time after learning both the violin and piano, I might consider learning it XD), and 2 first year students from Japan! I was so damn happy to get to meet Japanese! They're Yoshida Maki and Komoto Ryota (I think that's his name. Maki is a really cute girl! And Ryota looks like the chinese movie star "Chen Kun" -- handsome! XD Well he's not the only guy that I thought is handsome. There was also a guy I met during enrolment, with sunny blond hair and dreamy blue eyes. Huhhh~ He's like a prince charming walking straight out from a fairytale XD)

And for 23 Feb (that's today), I met a 2nd year student during my course briefing. Not really sure where he came from. All I know is that he's a chinese that only speak english and can't speak chinese at all and he's not from Malaysia, which I find it strange since he's english is kinda *ahem*. LOL~ He's really nice and friendly, though. And then I went for a library briefing which surprised me with the activities they had for us. We had a mini amazing race in the library! I was in a team with 3 Indonesian postgraduates and another chinese girl. And guess what...I was the team leader (unwillingly). We actually won the 1st prize and got ourselves a Monash thumbdrive, a Monash pen and *loud dramatic music* a small box of Guylian chocolate each!!!! It was the best library briefing I'd ever gone to (and I was dead tired afterwards).

Before I went home, I walked around the lemon scented lawn (yes, the lawn really smells like thousands of lemons) where the O-week carnival is, and signed up for the clubs. I signed up for the Malaysian union (duh~), Anime club (again, duh~ people who are close to me should expect that XD), Japanese club and the CHOIR!!!! I get to sing!! Oh, I've also signed up for a show choir (from another music club. Clayton has more than 4 clubs for music), something like the TV show "Glee". It isn't confirm yet as the club is waiting for as many people as possible to sign up in order to REALLY have the show choir. I actually planned to join the Kendo club, too. But the monthly fees is AUD50 and I have to buy the bamboo sword which cost another AUD35. What's more, they practice from 6-8pm. That's too late for me. If I go for the practice, I can only be home on 9 something. Will be dead tired and I still have classes the next day! And the money I have spend...I thought it's better for me to save the money and pay for my violin lessons instead (if I can get a teacher at all). I like kendo, but I think it will have to wait until I graduate (when I get a job and can pay for the fees with my own money).

Tonight, I would most probably have an amazing night. We are going to play mahjong!!!! Haha...I'm super excited and looking forward to it. =]

I'll miss you guys...

January 30th, I was out from 1 pm till 11 pm. It was an outing with my high school friends to Sunway Pyramid as my farewell. We sang in Red Box for 5 hours and had dinner at Che Go. Took lots of pictures, and my buddies bought me some things from Body Shop, including a Cherry Blossom perfume (ahh~ I love it! Pardon my selfishness peeps, I know I shouldn't choose something expensive as my present). Even though I was the "star" of the day, there were another two people who were in the spotlight -- Brian and Pamela. LOL~ The sweet, lovey-dovey couple sang Jolin and David Tao's love song while cuddling on the couch.

And I got to express my recent fanaticism for Bleach!! I'd been talking about it for almost an hour with my BFF. I'm lucky to have friends that grew up and have the same interests as me. Oh! And they gave a card with all of their names and things they wanted to say to me on it. Frankly, I was so touched. I didn't cry and didn't seem one bit surprise or anything in front of them. But I wanted to tell my peeps, I had read it for millions of times, with a smile on my face. I promise I'll bring it with me when I go over Melbourne.

After this outing, I realised that I will miss my high school buddies very, very, VERY much! Man, don't make me feel like this...I'm scared that I'll be unable to leave you guys. I hope our friendship last forever and ever. I'll be sure to come back as often as I can to see you guys. And please, go on MSN more often so I can chat with you guys.

Thanks, everyone. Chin Yee, Pui Mun, Fui Teng, Hoe Keat, Wai Hoe, Hui Xin, Huei Min, Tien Yew, Yong Shen, Khai Wei, Pik Khei and Jeffrey. I love you guys!! (I can't believe I just said that. That was so not me XD)

The girls~ (from left to right) Huei Min, Khai Wei, Chin Yee, Me, Pik Khei, Pui Mun (aka Pamela aka Pergi Pasar Malam XD)

Jeff and me...Ji mui forever!!! ;]

My bodyguards XD (left to right) Wai Hoe, Me, Hoe Keat, Shen Ee aka Yong Shui Lou, Yong Shen.

Yong Shen, Me, Huei Min...well, even though you two left early, thanks for coming!

Tien Yew, me. First time we took a picture together. Hopefully not the last time =]

LOL~ I love this picture so much! Shen Ee!!! XD (Pui Mun, Jeff, Shen Ee).

Pui Mun, Me, Chin Yee...Wow, it's been awhile since we last took a trisome picture together. BF Forever!!

The couple singing love song~!! Ahh~ so sweet XD

Chin Yee, Me, Fui Teng aka Fui Fui, Hui Xin, Pui Mun, Hoe Keat...Eating BBQ and steamboat at Che Go.

Dead tired~

I went to Sunway Lagoon with Pui Mun, Wai Hoe, Shen Ee and Khai Wei on January 9th. Yeah, I know I'm kinda late with the posts these days but...I didn't even want to move an inch of my aching body (from all the "exercise") after I've reached home last night!!! Not to mention the mosquito's bites and slight sun burn I got.

We started playing in the amusement and water parks at around 11 in the morning and we only left for dinner when we were literally being shoo-ed away by the security/life guards of the park. In other words, we'd been playing for 7 hours straight! No kidding! We only rested for less than 20 minutes just to have a quick lunch.

I really missed the water slides, the "snake head" water roller coaster, and last but not least, the WAVE POOL!!! Man, we were playing like nuts in the water park. We just couldn't bare to walk away from the water. I even lost count of how many times we'd played on the water slides. And the wave pool is priceless. I had fun trying to get myself being washed back on shore by the waves XD

Our arms and legs were sore and kinda painful from climbing all the stairs that lead to the rides and slides (because we're playing them repeatingly) and also from carrying the heavy big-fat-yellow floats (in order to play on the water slides). Most of the fun was in water park, amusement park has more rides for the young children than for young adults EXCEPT for the "180+ degree swinging pirate ship" (seriously, it's a direct translation from Chinese, I don't know what it's called in English) and the short but SUPER terrifying roller coaster.

Pui Mun and I thought it would be fun to go for the "dry" roller coaster before going to the "snake head" water roller coaster. We, of course, knew it would be a little scary ('cause we'd ridden on it 4 years ago) but we never thought it could be THAT scary. We remembered we weren't that terrified the last time we rode it! Maybe we're getting old and we can't take the thrill?? XD Pui Mun was horrified until she couldn't scream at all, and me, I was just screaming like I was going to die...literally. It's all because of the double fall/drop/or whatever you call it. When the roller coaster flew down I-don't-know-how-many-metres the first time, we were already screaming like hell. But before we could recover from the fall, it immediately flew down again!!! The second fall was even longer and more terrifying than the first! It was during the second fall that Pui Mun actually went numb and petrified. I was sitting next to her screaming like a psycho. The feeling of losing the gravity and sorta floating during the falls, I can't quite describe it in words. It's like my heart had stopped and left my body, and I felt like I couldn't take it anymore and I would die from the fear. We vowed to NEVER EVER ride on that thing again. Now I know how Chin Yee felt and why she was screaming at me hysterically (during the ride) when I dragged her to ride on it with me 4 years ago. LOL~

The water roller coaster was A LOT less scary, of course, as the main point of the ride is to get splashed by water XD We rode 3 times straight! It still has the classic roller coaster super-speed falls. It also has two falls like the roller coaster before but we weren't terrified until our legs were shaking when we got off (I'm not kidding here). We actually enjoyed getting wet and the adrenaline rush from the super-speed falls.

We went for dinner at Full House in Sunway Pyramid before we went home. Oh, how I love the restaurant! It's decorated in all-white 19th century furnitures and accessories (it still have the decorations from Christmas, so it gave the feeling of a white Christmas =D, which I like) with a boutique at the back and a gift shop in the front. Not to mention the food is kinda nice and special, too.

I really had a fun and thrilling day with my friends. That's exactly what I want before I leave for Melbourne to further my studies. Love ya guys~ *muackzzz*

A surprising surprise

I remember I had a post back in October about a guy that I know since kindergarten and that I believe that I'll see him again someday. Well, that "again" was two days ago, January 4th. I really wanted to post about it on that day but I was too busy with settling the things for studying abroad.

What happened was Chin Yee and I went for lunch at Sushi Zanmai after watching Avatar. We had been there for almost an hour and a half and I only realised that HE was working there when we were about to leave. I was all shocked and my mind went blank. In my head, there were only OMGs. I was too nervous to even look him in the eyes!! He was the cashier and Chin Yee was paying, and me??? I just stood in front of him but turned side way facing Chin Yee instead. I couldn't even breathe at that moment!

It's been such a long time since the last time I had this kind of feeling and that it was so intense that I did stupid, clumsy things...Arghh~ I hate myself!

A Tiring but FUN New Year's Eve!

Hey, guys! First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! =]

*Phew* I just came back from Hotel Sri Petaling, where I celebrated the end of 2009 and the New Year's Eve with my 6 high school old buddies. HX, SE, CH, HK, WH, HM...thanks for a lovely and NOISY night! Haha. We went there around 7 PM and hung around in the warehouse sales next door for awhile before having "Luk Luk" for dinner (my fellow chinese malaysians should know what it is). We bought TONS of junk food and a whole big container (as big as the ones for cooking oil) of mineral water at The Store and brought it back to the room so we can eat later. Then, we just spent the whole night eating the snacks while playing games. Monopoly (I went broke ><), poker (Chor Dai "D"), checkers and Uno!!! I hadn't play these games since high school. How I missed them so much...=D

We played until after the fireworks were over (we didn't go for countdown but we still got to see fireworks from 5 different spots just outside our hotel room's window!!! We were so lucky!) And someone on the TV and Benjamin Button just popped into the screen. CH and me were like "STOP!! It's Benjamin Button!! Forget everything else and just watch the movie!" That's how the 7 of us settled down on the beds and watched it quietly. Too quiet that I almost fell asleep. XD But WH beat me to it. He was fast asleep right from when we started watching the movie! We started chatting half way through the movie, about America and its people and some marriage-sex questions that CH popped out of nowhere...

And then, when I thought we were finally going to sleep after the movie finished (at 3 AM!), we suddenly decided to go for the "mamak" nearby. We actually woke up WH (forcefully) for that. XD

And so we ended up sleeping at almost 5 in the morning! And imagine, 7 people sharing 2 single beds...We had to pull out the mattresses and some of us had to sleep on the board thingy (where the mattresses used to be on). I was one of them. It was a NIGHTMARE!! The "bed" was so damn hard and on top of that, it was damn cold in the room! So, all of us only slept for 2-3 hours (woke up on 7 AM), except for WH (he got to sleep peacefully and SNORING on the comfy mattress) and CH (poor guy, he couldn't sleep at all because of HX who was sleeping next to him XD).

I was woken up by CH, HK and SE. They're such devils! Wouldn't let me continue sleeping after they woke up! And then we, together, went and disturbed HM's beauty sleep. CH was actually recording the sound that WH made --- he was SNORING so loudly! And we laughed and laughed until we finally woke him up, too. We really were devils as we just couldn't help but disturbed people who were fast asleep! XDD And we conveniently started fighting for the blankets (because it's so cold no matter how low we'd set the temperature to), had pillow fights and simply lay on each other (like, my feet on CH, CH feet on SE's face, SE sleeping on WH's lap, etc).

We went for breakfast at the near by Hailam Coffee Shop and then continued playing games for the remaining 2 hours until we have to checkout at 12PM. I played "Chor Dai D" with SE and HM. My luck had finally came back to me because I got to win them so many times (4-5 times I think)! LOL~ I was so happy.

After that, it was time to go home. >< But I had a fun time with them. To my buddies, thanks for a fun and, I quote, SLEEPLESS night!! Haha.