Empty

I really hate myself for feeling like this. Seriously. I just can't get it off me.

I've never had this kinda feeling before I came to Melbourne, though. Not really.

I don't really know how to put it into words. I'm not happy. Not sad or angry, just...not happy. But the problem is really that I don't even know what I'm not happy about. How am I suppose to fix this when I don't even know the source of my unhappiness???

I can be with tons of friends, fooling around, enjoying some girl time, laughing out loud...but I'll just suddenly stop smiling or I'll just smile on the outside. It's like I couldn't bring myself to open up completely to my new friends. I guess this is what they called feeling alone in a crowd.

And I kinda start feeling this distance between me and my old buddies. Which sucks. Big time.

That might be a contibuting factor to my uneasiness. But I don't really think that's THE reason. I guess what I'm saying is...I'm feeling this emptiness in me. It's like a part of me is missing. And I don't know what it is.

I wanted to stop thinking nonsensical stuff when I should be focusing on my studies, which I REALLY should and need to, since I shamelessly failed a unit last semester.

If there really is a God up there, please answer my prayers.